High Self-Esteem, Part III

by

John Stephen Mauldin, MLA (not AI assisted)

All right reserved, copyright © 2025

(continued from Part II)

One day at a time.

The belief that we are divinely beckoned toward something bigger than ourselves allows us to patiently engage this present day since our destiny is immeasurably valuable and, therefore, worth waiting to realize. This is not any shade of negligence of our responsibilities but a visualization of a good outcome that we patiently await one day at a time while striving to take another step each morning.

Although we may not fully understand delays and setbacks, we continue to live only one day at a time with our vision ever before us. As a wise man once said, “Steady plodding brings prosperity.” It is similar to our cousin Sir Edmund Hillary’s reply when asked how he became the first man to ascend the summit of Mount Everest. He answered, “One step at a time.”

It would have been laughably absurd to envision climbing atop Everest in a single day; likewise, we design plans to achieve our goals and pursue them intelligently as we meet all challenges one day at a time.

Think.

If we are thinking dispassionately, how will we act during a disagreement with a friend or a loved one? If we are cerebral rather than overly emotional, how will we react to any problem? As the martial artist knows, the master uses the opponent’s energy rather than his own. For it is self-defeating to expend one’s energy, particularly that which is unchanneled. Such is emotional banter. Let us, therefore, think and keep our power.

Thinking, nevertheless, has limits. Toward the end of the day, it becomes weaker and less accurate. So, it is typically best to slow down our thoughtwork in the evening, surrendering unto rest at night before bedtime, and finally to honey-sweet sleep. Here, we may let the unlimited creativity of our unconscious mind unravel and reorder the day’s challenges.

In the morning, the path may be clearer. As the Russian fairy tale, The Little Humpbacked Horse, teaches us, “the morning is wiser than the evening.” The morning, therefore, might be the best time to think.

Try practicing these exercises of detachment. You may find that they raise and protect your self-esteem when applied to challenging circumstances, yet they require practice and are not altogether easy. You may notice that those with phlegmatic personalities will find detachment easier than others. Those with choleric personalities may have somewhat of an easier success as well. Yet, those who are melancholy and sanguine by nature will have the greater challenges remaining detached.

So, if you are melancholy or sanguine, be patient and forgiving to yourself. Remember, these personalities are integral to art, science, success, and triumph throughout the world. Every great composer, painter, sculptor, scientist, physician, and inventor was melancholy. And the world would be far less positive and, therefore, less accomplished without the essential visionary sanguine temperament. What is more, our personalities are congenital; consequently, we must not try to change them but simply modify them slightly by developing habits of detachment, one day at a time.

As we practice detachment to raise our self-esteem, it is important to distance ourselves from those who undermine our self-image. An excellent way to judge this is sensitivity to our feelings immediately after spending time with such a person. If we have a feeling akin to roller-coaster stomach, if our gut feels upset, although we may not be able to identify precisely why, we have probably been in the presence of someone who was attempting to vicariously drag our self-esteem to the deplorable level of their own.

Another warning sign is lying. If someone lies to us once, he or she will probably do so again and again, the lies becoming more sinister and malicious. You may be certain of it.

So, while getting to know people, it might be best to avoid those who lie to you, even once. Should we detect either of these warning signals, we will invariably begin to create an inner dialogue with that person, somewhat of an internal debate about things we dislike about him or her. This is not hearing voices. It is mentally repeating what we would like to say to reconcile legitimate grievances. Such inner dialogues can be time-drains and emotionally exhausting. These are not unimportant issues.

If we are in a fixed relationship with such a person, a relative or coworker, for example, these issues must be resolved by talking to him or her. This should be done in a reasonable, rational way without making accusations but by telling the person how we feel. Because our feelings are authentic, they cannot be disputed. If, however, we feel that such a discussion would be fruitless, impossible, or even dangerous, we must avoid that person.

For inner dialogues that are repetitively troubling are unhealthy, telling you something is wrong. If you feel you cannot cope with them and the person they involve, seek the help of a qualified counselor, preferably a psychiatrist, who is an M.D. whose specialty is psychiatry. Set this book down and make the call right now. You’ll feel better simply knowing that you’ve reached out to someone who is eminently qualified to help you through the very challenges you are facing.

Also, keep things in perspective by bearing in mind that maintaining healthy self-esteem is not easy for anyone. At times it may be fine, other times not particularly good.

So, do not be too discouraged should you experience high and low episodes of the way you feel about yourself. This is normal. Albeit these highs and lows should not be too extreme or erratic but should occur over time and be self-manageable or, perhaps, manageable with a relaxed chat with a friend.

Should you feel these episodes of elation and depression are too frequent and their highs and lows too disproportionate for you to manage on your own, seek the advice of a qualified counselor, preferably a psychiatrist. Your physician will kindly refer you to the right professional who can give you the help you need. So, set this book aside and contact him or her right now.

While waiting to see your recommended counselor, you might receive some benefit by reading the upcoming section on depression. Even if you don’t feel depressed, it may open windows to clear vistas and intoxicatingly fresh air.

Remember two things: you can be successful at work, and you are worthy of love. Always behave as though it were true because it is, dear friend.